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Being a People Pleaser Can Be Toxic to Your Health

Post by: KATHY SKINNER in mood
I once fell into this category of being a ‘people pleaser’. I would usually feel good at first with my people pleasing activities, you know that desire to help others, to be of ‘service’.  But it got to be overwhelming as people wanted more and more of me. Eventually it grew into resentment as I felt tired, stressed and basically used and unappreciated. 

There is no clinical definition for what people pleaser means. It pretty much describes a person who consistently strives to please others, often sacrificing their own wants or needs in the process. This was me.

People pleasing might seem harmless, but it can lead to serious health risks — both mental and physical — especially when taken to the extremes. Here are some of the things that can happen:
  • Added stress occurs when you feel that you do not have the resources to cope with something. Having a long to-do list due to people-pleasing may result in this feeling. This causes inauthentic behavior, ignoring your own true wants or needs, which can make you stressed or anxious and this in turn produces toxins and lowers your immune system. 
  • Taking on too much, or putting on a more cheerful attitude around others, can be mentally or physically draining.   
  • When you have little time or energy for yourself, you may neglect your own self-care. By putting others first, you spend less time relaxing, exercising, and planning healthy meals, and as a result, are more prone to health problems and this increases the toxins in your body which also age you faster.  
  • Lacking proper self-care could include personal hygiene, appearance, mental or physical health, or career. It may even mean you will have less energy to help others in the long run.
  • When you feel you have no choice but to please others, you may find resentment creeping in along with feelings of anger or frustration. This can manifest as passive aggression, which is when someone indirectly expresses anger, such as via jokes or sarcasm.
  • When you are unhappy, it can affect your relationships. For example, you may feel your family members takes advantage of your willingness to help, resulting in conflict and stress.

Why it is important to say ‘No’ to People-Pleasing
  •  
  • > Saying ‘no’ to what’s not important, validates what is.
  • > You’ll have more time for your nearest and dearest.
  • > Saying no to things you don’t want to do, gives you more time for things you do want to do.
  • > Your ability to deliver on the ‘yeses’ will increase tenfold.
  • > With fewer things to think about, your mental wellbeing will dramatically improve.
 


How to ‘Artfully’ say NO
  • You don’t have to explain. When you do, you can leave yourself open to judgement and negotiation. So just say: “Sorry, I’ll have to take a pass”. You don’t have to defend your position.
  • Decline with gratitude. Be grateful for the offer, but kindly refuse: “Thank you for the opportunity. I appreciate you asking, but I’m maxed out with other commitments at the moment”.
  • Show them you thought about it carefully: “I’ve had to think hard about this because it sounds like a great opportunity, but I have to say no this time.”  
  • Time blocking: Block out time in the day that is off-limits to any new requests or plans. You can do this mentally or use a calendar app to automatically decline any new invitations.
  • Make it non-personal. Establish a blanket policy that applies to everyone: “I’m sorry, but I’ve made it a policy to say no to any social events until…”, or “I’ll have to take a pass, I’m on a coffee shop diet for the next two months.”
  • Use your calendar. Simply tell them: “I need to check my calendar. Why don’t you check back with me in a few days. This will give you time to pause and reflect, and ultimately give you a chance to make a decision that suits your needs. And, I have found that most people don’t even bother to check back. By the way, if they do check back and you need/want to say NO, make a written appointment with yourself. Then you can just say you already have an appointment and you do. Remember you don't have to  explain what it is.
  • Say it with humor. “Nope, not for me!”
  • Just say ‘no’. If it’s something absurd, just say no, or if it’s an unreasonable message, delete it.

Using essential oils will help to give you more added support. Try diffusing and/or applying topically a drop over your heart and/or to pulse points. Remember the quality of the essential oils you use makes all the difference.  Learn more about Essential Oils Video
Balance - oil blend that helps you realize your true dreams & desires
  • Decreases: Scattered thoughts, instability & disconnection
  • Increases: Connection to self, perseverance & inner strength
Cedarwood - a wood oil that helps you feel a sense of belonging & support
  • Decreases: Feelings of disconnect or loneliness, inability to form bonds
  • Increases: Feelings of connection, belonging, support and joy in relationships  
Clary Sage - oil of clarity and perception  
  • Decreases: Confusion, discouragement, hopelessness & blocked creativity
  • Increases: Imagination, intuitiveness, creativity, open-mindedness
Clove - the oil of boundaries  
  • Decreases: Fear of rejection, codependence, feelings of defeat, self-betrayal
  • Increases: Empowerment, clear boundaries, courage, independence, capability, personal integrity
Ginger - the oil of empowerment
  • Decreases: Feelings of being stuck, powerless, or being unwilling to take responsibility, defeated
  • Increases: Feelings of being empowered, capable, purposeful, & responsible
Myrrh - the nurturing oil
  • Decreases: Distrust of others, feeling unsafe in the world
  • Increases: Feelings of safety, healthy attachments, nurtured, loved

Hope you found this helpful. Leave me a comment as to what helped you the most.

Blessings for Health, Joy & Laughter,
Kathy

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